


Midnight

by alexxwritesfic



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Falling In Love, Gender Dysphoria, M/M, Trans Male Character, it's just boyfriends being soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:47:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29431935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexxwritesfic/pseuds/alexxwritesfic
Summary: Anatole and Cullen have been sleeping together for a couple of weeks when Cullen asks him to stay the night rather than leaving. Anatole isn't sure how to deal with the feelings that come with that.
Relationships: Cullen Rutherford/Original Male Character(s)
Kudos: 6





	Midnight

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song 'Midnight' by Alesso & Liam Payne.
> 
> There's quite a bit of talk of dysphoria in this piece so if that's gonna be uncomfortable you may not want to read it!!

Anatole wasn’t exactly sure how to define whatever was going on between himself and Cullen. They'd slept together almost every night for the past couple of weeks and it was… well, it was nice, but it was strange, too. Casual sex was one thing, he was used to that, but going back to Cullen night after night, it was starting to feel like it might be something more.

Most of the lovers he’d taken in Orlais he would sleep with once and then never speak to again. He had expected the same with Cullen, especially after the awkward moment when they both got their clothes off for the first time and Anatole realised that those outside of The Game wouldn’t be aware that his body didn't exactly match the gender everybody saw him as. Cullen had been a little surprised at first, but it hadn’t put him off, and he didn't treat Anatole any differently for it.

Anatole usually tried to convince himself that his body didn't bother him. In Orlais, it was something everyone knew about - he couldn't risk trying to keep such a thing a secret that could be so easily exposed in a scandal - so he had to show, at least outwardly, that it never got to him, it never upset him. With time, he had started to believe it, too.

Up until that moment with Cullen, at least. As soon as his clothes were off, Anatole felt sick with anxiety. He waited for Cullen to turn away, to ask him to leave, to tell him that his body was  _ wrong _ . Anatole had even opened his mouth to apologise, though he wasn't sure what for. But Cullen had only hesitated for a second before kissing him again.

It had been an amazing night, but that was all Anatole had expected it to be. When Cullen invited him back again the following evening, he was more than a little surprised, but he agreed. And then he just kept coming back.

Every night, they would lie together for a while - sometimes talking, sometimes simply enjoying each other’s company in silence - before Anatole eventually got up, got dressed, and made his way back to his room in the tavern alone.

As he lay in bed next to Cullen, he had no reason to think this night would be any different.

‘Well, this was fun,’ Anatole said, sitting up.

Cullen reached out to gently take hold of his arm. ‘You don’t have to leave.’

‘What?’

‘You can stay here,’ Cullen said, ‘if you want.’

Anatole frowned, looking down at the hand on his arm. ‘You want me to sleep here? With you?’

Cullen nodded. 'You don't have to, but… well, it beats walking back in the cold.'

'That's true,' Anatole admitted. He was surprised by how anxious he felt. He rarely felt nervous; he'd learnt to handle almost any situation with ease. It was uncommon for anything to throw him off. This was different, though. Sleeping together was one thing, but to actually spend the night with Cullen was something else entirely. It implied something more serious, a commitment, possibly a relationship. Anatole didn’t know how to do that.

He’d spent his entire life learning to hide his true feelings, to carefully calculate every single movement, every single facial expression, so that no one would have any ammunition against him in The Game. Coming to Skyhold had allowed him to be himself for the first time, and he’d realised he wasn’t even sure who he really was. It had been fun figuring that out, especially with Cullen by his side.

Being open and vulnerable went against everything he knew. His head was screaming at him to leave, to end it now, but he realised he didn’t want to do that. He wanted to stay.

‘Anatole?’ Cullen asked, also sitting up. ‘I didn’t mean to pressure you. If it’s too soon-’

‘No, no, it’s fine,’ Anatole said, ‘this is all just… new to me. I’d love to stay, though.’ His fingers fiddled with the bottom of his binder. ‘I need to take this off before I sleep,’ he said.

'Right, of course,' Cullen said before turning away.

Anatole smiled at that as he pulled his binder off and stretched. He was still getting used to how understanding Cullen was. His previous lovers had never been purposely disrespectful, but they were often a lot more curious than Anatole was comfortable with. However, as soon as he'd told Cullen he didn't like his chest being touched, Cullen had respected that and never questioned it. It never felt like Cullen was actively  _ trying _ to avoid his chest. He just simply… avoided it. It was strange, certainly, but it was mostly just refreshing.

He reached down to the floor where his shirt had been carelessly tossed earlier and quickly put it on. He couldn't remember the last time he took his binder off when someone else was around; even with the shirt on he still felt too exposed. It wasn't too late to run, he told himself, but he still wanted to stay.

'Is it safe for me to turn around?' Cullen asked, pulling Anatole out of his thoughts.

'Yes,' he said, and Cullen turned to face him. Despite how exposed and vulnerable Anatole felt, Cullen still didn't look at his chest; he didn't glance at it for even a second. He simply pulled Anatole into another kiss.

'I never thought I would feel safe enough to share a bed with someone,' Anatole admitted, 'but I feel safe with you.' In Orlais, he'd never allowed his lovers to stay the night - he would have been basically  _ begging _ them to assassinate him in his sleep - and he had accepted that he would never be able to trust someone enough to take that chance. Cullen had changed everything. It was both terrifying and exciting. If someone had told him a few months ago that he would flee Orlais and fall for a Ferelden man, he would never have believed it. But here he was, lying in bed next to Cullen Rutherford, and he was happy.

Cullen smiled. ‘You’ll always be safe here,’ he promised.


End file.
